THE CONFINES OF HOLLYWOOD

So last night, I spent half my free time ironing Yugioh cards and trying desperately to explain to my son why just because something gets slightly damaged, it doesn't mean he needs a brand new set.

Yesterday, as we do every Monday through Thursday, I took Cayman to swim team workout.  And as we do every Monday through Thursday, he wanted to bring a deck of Yugioh cards to look at just in cases of extreme boredom....like if Mom gets in a conversation about houses, Europe, brush fires, food or the supernatural.  As with most preteens, most of my conversations with other adults bring on rounds of yawns and thoughts of nooses in my kid (yes, he's a little dramatic.)

When we arrived at the pool, I told Cayman to leave the cards in the car since he was a little late and needed to get directly in the pool.

"No, they're my good luck cards," and he stuck them in his pocket.

After he did his first lap and i had settled in the shade to wait out the workout (and write) he came up to me dripping wet with a look of absolute despair on his goggled face.  He reached into his pocket and took out a deck of dripping Yugioh cards. 

Oh dear.  What a mess. 

I took them, directed him to continue his workout, and I proceeded to dry them off one by one.

The cards were completely salvageable in my mind but I knew of the drama to come on the ride home.

In the car, zipping through miles and miles of orange groves, Cayman had worked up a completely logical argument.

"I've been needing new god cards anyway.   The Winged Dragon of Ra was my favorite card and look at him now!  He's peeling apart....it's enough to make a grown man cry."

Uh-huh.

"And Slifer the Sky Dragon, how could you have known that you bought a fake.  I'm sophisticated enough now to know a fake from the real McCoy.  Obelisk the Tormentor, that one I'll give it to you, he's real.  But I've played with him so much, he has wrinkles and he's fraying at the edges.  On Ebay some guy is selling all his god cards for $23.95.  Do you know what kind of a deal that is?"

Deep, deep breathes.  The years of conversations that we've had about being happy with what you have and not having to have the latest and greatest have been set aside.   The times we've driven by men standing on the corner with their children  begging for food for their kids, out the window. 

My talent manager, Michael and I are always talking about how we are attempting to teach our kids about how fortunate they are versus folks living in cardboard boxes scrounging around for a simple meal.  In a town like Hollywood where what you have equals your value and worth, this is a lesson the kids need to be taught again and again.  Where Michael's daughter seems to have her sympathy dial set correctly, Cayman listens intently, pretends to have huge vessels of sympathy and compassion for those with so little, then promptly asks for a replacement of wet Yugioh cards.

"No.  Not going to happen.  I'll iron your cards and if need be, glue them and press them in between heavy books but I will buy more cards.  These cards are like Cayman droppings in the forest.  They're everywhere in our house.  On the kitchen counter, the living room floor, in my bamboo hutch.  I even found one stuck to the dog's mouth and one in the guinea pig's cage once.  No more cards.

So, as I ironed, I watched Chef Gordon Ramsey on "Hell's Kitchen" and Cayman put together a different deck.  On the commercial, he came in and hugged me and told me that truthfully he felt ashamed that if others knew he got in the pool with his cards on him they would think he was a poor "keeper of the cards."  Almost like a poor dad.  Who would want that label?

"Thank you mom for understanding and helping me to keep my pride intact. I know you think I'm still in my narcissus phase, but I'm really not.  Grown men don't go around dunking their toys, like stereos and weed whackers in the pool.  I wouldn't want to be emasculated that way and let all mankind down.  Besides, you're right. I have more cards than most kids and I have a great mom to boot."

Oh dear.  More drama.  The manipulation has just started.  I can feel him revving up.

"Maybe you can sell some of my other things on Ebay and when I have sold enough to put 50% of it away in savings for an emergency, I'll use the other half for a new set of god cards."

I'll keep working on him.....a real work in progress.